apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
