At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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