see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Sober January is a disaster.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
