You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
