wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
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