i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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