guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize