Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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