i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
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He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
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It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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