So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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