Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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