Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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