she kept yelling 'call me bella'
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
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When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
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