sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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