i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
