I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Randomize
