Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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