we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
