I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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