I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
