The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I'm really busy with my period
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