we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
