Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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