you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
