I feel great
I just peed on a car
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
