I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
We have started to decorate penises.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
