take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
