Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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