we have pet lesbian snakes
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
