She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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