i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
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Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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