Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize