I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
