The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
