Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
