I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
