and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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