Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
