I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
