true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....