She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.