I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
