Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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