my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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