that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
if only i could text you this smell
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Randomize
