we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
