I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
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