You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.