I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Well I just put wine in my tea
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday