bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i just had sex bonerless
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.