My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
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I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
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He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad