She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.