$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.