So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
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