he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I wish there were birth control emojis
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
