Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
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Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
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Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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