Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
