He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
