I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
