she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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