I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
