why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Don't EVER smell your tampon
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
