CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
